Explanation to the Future You.

Eiffel Tower

 Much of what makes up our life stories are accumulations of micro decisions and some bigger choices that come together in ways that only retrospect can attempt to make sense of.  But there is something remarkable in trying to shape the narrative consciously, creating opportunities and experiences that build the story - the life - that is intentional.  Intentionally extraordinary. Intentionally balls to the wall.  

I recently (and intentionally) participated in a process that provided the space for contemplating how to invent a future tale of my own design and help with developing the infrastructure for the life that I envision. Creating the scaffolding to bring my daydreams into the real world.  This is what underlies my nearly every decision.  Unapologetically.  

Kyrgyzstan

This focus is amplified as my son gets older and I become keenly aware of the impact and implications each of my decisions can have on him and the stories that will become part of the personal narrative of his childhood.  

  Where to live (Brooklyn).

  What school he will attend (the International School, so he will be in total Spanish immersion).

 What work trips to take him on (summer in Fiji again?).

 How he should be introduced to the concept of death (by gently and safely being part of saying goodbye to our beloved family pet, and having his first lesson on the permanency of death, what grief looks like and what my beliefs are around what happens when something dies).

The list of decisions that will inevitably become part of the landscape of his early experiences is endless.  Consequently, the notion of intentionality has never been more important to me.

   

Croatia

Of course there are innumerable factors to weigh into these micro and more pivotal decisions, including more traditional notions of stability, predictability, family and community.  But the imperfect calculus that I feel compelled to engage in incorporates these and other necessities into the complex cost-benefit analysis, and the one thing that seems to ultimately help with casting the deciding vote is the question:

What will this contribute to your/our life stories? 

Or rather, would this _______ bring something to our lives to make it even more positive, more beautiful, more amazing, more unique and more meaningful?  Will this _____ help further me/you/us on a path to being the people we want to become, living the lives we want to have lived?

   

Fiji

  

The answer, in my mind, should almost always be yes.  

This is an admittedly difficult endeavor, that runs the risk of making every moment heavy with inflated and disproportionate importance.  It can also create opportunities for judgmental reactions, misunderstandings, allegations of selfishness and potential alienation.   

It is rarer than it should be that people live the lives they truly desire.

As I imagine the future version of my son, and the conscious and subconscious narrative of his life that I was a contributor to, this is my explanation to him.  I did it on purpose.  This was all intentional.  For better or worse, these were choices.  Things did not just happen TO us in our lives, but instead decisions were made on how we interacted with that which was within our power to control and that which was out of our control.  Each moment was a choice.  Sometimes more carefully than others.  Sometimes more thoughtfully or well-informed than others.  Sometimes more patiently than others.  Sometimes incorrectly.  But almost always with absolute intention.

Goodbye Kitten 

April 1996 - April 2014

Lest some of you think this is crazy, perhaps aggrandizing, neurotic, or selfish (it may be all those things), it is also part of living a mindful life that is unquestionably balls to the wall.  

Making each moment matter.  

Because it does.  

It really does.