The Personal and Professional Yin-Yang

I am well aware of the extraordinary position I am in personally and professionally. My son is the greatest gift I have ever received in my life, and I am beyond fortunate to be able to decide how much or how little I want to work and how I want his first years to be spent and with whom. I have generous options. I am also extremely fortunate to have always had work. I have always had job opportunities (albeit some more attractive than others) and I have never been truly scared that I would be jobless for a great length of time. So while I am one of the millions of people who live paycheck to paycheck, and certainly above my means and enjoying the present rather than saving for the future, I haven't ever been too nervous.

This doesn't mean that all my dreams have come true, or that I have never wanted for anything...I still have many dreams and goals and desires - some of which may come true some day and some may not. I have endured deep challenges and difficulty, as well as ridiculous happiness and joy. However, after an epically bad day I am left wondering if I can have it all. Even when trying to live life full throttle, there may be an unexpected tragedy or pain right around the corner ready to derail this fast moving train of goodness. At the same time, as I also discovered during an epically bad week, sometimes surprising opportunities with amazing potential fall into one's lap equally unexpected. When both happen at the same time, it makes for a confusing week.

Personal lives take work to maintain. I believe that. I believe that it is hard to be your best self at all times, and that its important to keep trying no matter what. For some of us, it is almost easier to be our best self professionally. It is less complicated, less emotional, less messy and has some clearer boundaries, consequences and job descriptions (well not always). But why is it that bad and good so often come our way simultaneous. If I were someone other than myself (you know who you are, and I love you for it) I would say its the universe's way of keeping balance. SO your personal life may be shit at the moment, but at least you are a rock star professionally. Or the other way around.

For me, the personal professional divide just keeps getting more complicated. Now I need to be my best self for me, my best version of what a partner should be, my best version of a mother, and my best version of a professional. Its exhausting just thinking about it. And when one of those feels like a failure - whether it be momentarily or at a core level - its so hard to not let that bleed over into other pieces of me. And then it is easy to give up on living balls to the wall, because what's the point?

Except there is a point. Each day I have the privilege of waking up, and the privilege of waking up in cushy circumstances, with a millions reasons to be thankful all around me, and a million reasons not to waste one day. Giving half an effort isn't an option when it would be shameful to waste the gifts and opportunities we are surrounded by. The only way to do justice to such a beautiful life is to continue to try to live it balls to the wall. Even after an epically bad (or good) week.