Reflections on Hunger and Satisfaction

I've been thinking a lot recently about the concepts of desire and satisfaction, happiness and contentment, chaos and calm and the complexities that make us these unique creatures, capable of crafting our own individual paths.  The decisions we make and the right or left turns we take come together to leave a trail [largely] of our own making - and I've been curious about the differences in how we make those choices.

When I think of myself and the possibilities over a lifetime - the arcs of joy and sadness, of heart and mind - the branches of this tree span so wide I can't see where they could possibly end. Any one of them could lead to a path that may soar in a thousand different directions. To unimaginable heights or (and?) unfathomable lows.

At the same time, I see a certain impermanence in most things and feel that very few decisions are unchangeable or irreversible.  It is why I am not afraid to change jobs or move between countries and coasts and how I generally choose action over inaction in many cases.  Don't like (or absolutely love) something? Do something about it. This trait that has so often served as a strength for me can also be a flaw, and my challenge lies in understanding when to follow my hunger and when to be satisfied, when to seek more and embrace the unknown and when to quietly enjoy to what is I already have (a job that is less than rewarding in substance but provides extraordinary flexibility for my personal life, for example).

Some people have this amazing ability (I tend to think of it as something innate - programmed into their DNA) that allows them to commit to a life course and follow it steadfastly.  These incredible people see things through to the end - that job they've already invested a decade in but may no longer enjoy or that relationship that was so full of love but has since lost its passion - somehow they have a long-term vision and in that vision a plan that allows them to see the end game, which is worth all the trouble.  They are satisfied knowing they will collect a strong pension at retirement or have a partner when they are aging, but they also have a wisdom about the peaks and valleys that riddle almost everything - and it is in those valleys that they don't give up.  These marvels of follow-through and dedication have my admiration, and I spend a lot of time asking friends how they do it, where they get the fortitude, and what does that kind of commitment require.

At the far ends of a nonlinear spectrum of good needs or bad wants there are people who act on mad impulse, on the creepiest of desires.  This past week the news revealed monstrous acts by real people (again) and distracted me with images of those who hunger for things that are hurtful, dangerous, and destructive - operating at levels that are outside the realm of any version of okay and without regard for the consequences to others.  These people are perhaps also programmed this way through some frankenstein-like combination of nature and nurture, to do damage in ways that even they may not understand in their quest to feel some sort of twisted personalized version of satisfaction.

Putting aside these gruesome anomalies, I find myself back at the unanswerable question of how it is that we choose one path over another, and how we know what path is right - when to follow our hunger and when to stay put and take stock of the bigger picture.  And the mystery of how some people are better at decisive action and others are better at follow through.  Not understanding any of this, I do know one thing - our decisions matter, our choices matter from the smallest decision to the grandest (as sometimes the distinction isn't clear until after the fact - a lesson learned thanks to the shining example of heroic bystander Charles Ramsey).

And sometimes turning left and satisfying a hunger will lead to great happiness and new adventures.  Sometimes it won't.  Sometimes turning right and letting hunger pass in favor of satisfaction of a different kind will lead to great happiness.  And sometimes it won't.  And the kicker is, we don't get to know the answers until after the fact...until that branch of the tree has led to another branch and perhaps another branch and we look down at where we started to see how far we've come.  Or look up in yet another direction and just enjoy the view.