Virtual or Reality

I have been thinking a lot lately about the blurring lines between our virtual world and our concrete world, and I must say I haven't been able to reconcile my confusion between the two.

What is real and what is not? What is meaningful and what is meaningless? What is fact and what is fantasy? My questions are prompted by the every changing social environment that is taking place through online tools. So often now people are meeting their future partners online through dating websites. People are grieving the loss of loved ones on facebook. People are sharing the most mundane of daily activities through hourly tweets. There is arguably greater social activity happening in the virtual world than in person these days.

What do we do about the very vague boundary between virtual reality and Reality? In many respects these two worlds can be separate - people projecting personas in their virtual world that are distinct (if not all together different) from their concrete world persona. Making or remaining friends with people online that one will never (and never intends to) communicate with or see in person. In essence, for some of us we have the opportunity now to live multiple lives - one in real life and then several others online, depending on our mood.

Of course this is also being done through interactive videogames (I recently saw a program about one that may actually be called Second Life, where people have virtual second lives with other individuals and relationships and workplaces).

But sometimes, and unavoidably, these worlds (as innocent as they may have started) collide. And then what?

A sad example of this collision course relationship between virtual and reality is the consequences of the virtual behavior of cyberbullying. Cyberbullying leads to real deaths.

Lest you think I am using an extreme and unique example, is it not true that many (most) people do, say and act differently - more boldly - online than they would in person? Don't many of us say things (even in email) that we would be challenged to utter in person? Our behavior online is a changed/edited/modified version of ourselves - and sometimes the fact that it is not "real" is permission to be....well, bad.

There are also amazingly positive contributions of this virtual world, in fact they are too numerous to list (but one doesn't have to look further than the Arab Spring to see the potential power of harnessing social media for real social change). But I think we are in a strange position, this generation, of navigating our feelings, behavior and moral attitude around the seemingly limitless tools available for online living. And I struggle with the fluid line between my own virtual world (hello blog) and my Real world - as its apparent the two are constantly intersecting and changing the other. I only hope that in the things that matter, I don't cross the line.

Operation Baby Separation

I knew it had to happen. For months I have known it was past due. And finally I did it. I had my first night away from Luka since he was born over 15 months ago.

It was a bit like a staycation. We didn't stray far from home, and we didn't do much more than eat and see a movie (and eat again). But it was an important milestone in Operation Baby Separation - acknowledging that Luka and I are not one person. And that it is okay for us to be apart sometimes. And that he can in fact be totally happy in the care of others (thanks Mom). And that he is able to sleep through the night even without me listening intently from 20 feet away. He is fine without me. And I learned that I am fine (even better than fine) when I can take a break and get away and not have to think about someone else's needs the first second I wake up and the last minute before I fall asleep. Its a nice lesson and one that I think will need a lot of practice, but the first step was the hardest.

Phase I of (what I can only assume will be a lifelong process) Operation Baby Separation was a success. Someday I might have to be gone for more than 26 hours, and at least now we had a dress rehearsal.

Why Valentine's Day Matters

I understand the perspective of those who hate Valentine's Day. There are many good reasons to disavow this as a made-up holiday, one that creates expectations, disappoints many, and spreads gloom among people who are without a partner but would like one. I get it. I also understand that Hallmark and jewelry companies and flower shops and fancy restaurants all charge a fortune to help you "celebrate" on this date, for no real good reason.

But maybe there is a reason.

Maybe, for some people, reminding us to take a break from our routine and celebrate love is necessary. Sure, it doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day. Or Christmas. Or your birthday. It could be any day. And maybe it should be EVERY day. But lets be real. It isn't.

So for those of us who find ourselves in a frenzied pattern of day-to-day living and doing and working and taking care of business, both in our personal and professional lives, often showing appreciation is not a part of the habit of life.

Even in a good life, a great life, appreciation is appreciated. It doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day, but isn't it just easy that we are reminded to try to do that - show our appreciation and love - at least on this semi-random day in February?

This is why Valentine's Day matters. Because even the best of friendships and relationships can benefit from a designated time out from the taking-for-granted of each other's goodness in order to recognize, in the form of love and kindness and generosity of spirit (not money), the amazing fortune of finding another human being that you connect with. On February 14th, at the very least, or any other day of the year.

Taking the Plunge

This week my balls to the wall philosophy was put to the test, professionally speaking. Faced with two opportunities - one safe and one a gamble, one wrapped up with a bow and one big and amorphous, one a step back and one a giant leap forward - it was walk the talk time.

Going balls to the wall in life means taking the plunge and diving into the unknown, taking a risk and embracing the challenge rather than playing it safe and easy. So I gathered up my courage and said no to the simple path, the one I could have quickly slipped into with minimal difficulty.

Why? Because the not-so-simple path has the most to offer me in terms of all-around happiness, both professionally and personally. The harder road, as is often the case, has oodles of potential that is simply not found in the easy road. As of now I am committed to this new professional path, and while I see huge challenges ahead and moments where my capabilities will be tested and stretched, I also see opportunities for huge professional growth. And with that I see personal growth and happiness. I see greater flexibility, greater creativity and freedom.

Is it scary? Hell yeah. It is always scarier to do something new, something challenging, something that stretches us and forces us to grow. Not to mention the risks financially and emotionally if one fails. But like someone who is starting their own business, there is also excitement - excitement at the possibility of success, excitement over creating something new, and excitement of forging your own path rather than being a cog in a wheel. So for these reasons, among others, I decided to go balls to the wall in my career and current professional path and just take the plunge.

I don't know where the path will take me or if I will accomplish all that I hope in this new professional adventure, but that is part of the joy of life. Diving into the unknown, taking the plunge, going all in, balls to the wall. Anything less would be less of a life.