Be Open to the Bizarre

I find that strange things happen to me.  With some regularity.  And its not because of anything special about me, or that I am particularly strange (psshhhhtt).  It is because I am and have always been open to the bizarre.  I smell its possibility, I envision the hilarious versions of reality that are just a moment away, I anticipate that even the most normal interaction with another human being carries the potential for absolute weirdness - given the right combination of time, place and people.

I have so many beautiful stories of total madness, surreal experiences and "did that really happen??" reflections.  And it may be that I am responsible for helping usher them into existence - through my mere openness to them.  But I wouldn't have it any other way.  The kinds of fiction-worthy things that are happening every day to people are so strange and funny and amazing - it is incredible what can happen to you, around you, with you if you somehow manage to send out the right unspoken signals, pheromones, body language, eye contact, and empathic openness in your communication.  Something lets people know they can be their freaky selves - and then the awesome madness ensues.

So, the life lesson for my dear Luka, is be open to the bizarre.  It will make you laugh and happy you have accumulated the stories - and someday you will call upon those memories to make you smile at how gloriously bizarre real life can be.

The Waiting Game

Anyone who knows me well knows that when it comes to time management I am a waiter not a rusher. I hate to be late, as I view it as hugely disrespectful, and I hate to rush (it stresses me out and makes me sweat). Therefore, in general I prefer to arrive to my destination - meeting, appointment, airport, etc. - with a comfortable cushion of time to spare. I much prefer getting somewhere early and waiting over rushing to arrive somewhere barely on time covered in back sweat with a flushed face. I am a waiter not a rusher.

However, when it comes to life and living balls to the wall I believe fully in NOT waiting to do something. There are some people, very responsible and smart people, who are waiting until retirement to enjoy their money, to travel and to live. There are people who are careful and cautious with their hearts and they wait to see how solid something is before they jump in and do something outrageous, if at all. Those people wait a bunch dates before having sex maybe, and certainly don't move in with someone a week after they meet them. There are people who focus heavily on working and counting the days until the rest of their life can begin - 14 more years and I will be able to start enjoying myself. That is one way to live, and it may be a smarter way - it has long term vision and planning and caution on its side. However, I prefer the other way. Not waiting.

I prefer to do things in the moment it strikes me, rather than wait another day. (It may be that I am never completely convinced that I will get another day so its critical to act immediately. You never know). By not waiting, you might find yourself running away to Puerto Rico with someone after only 3 dates. Or inviting someone you haven't seen for 10 years to spend Valentine's Day with you in Thailand. Or going snorkeling in Australia's Great Barrier Reef (even though you are terrified of sharks). Or cage diving with said sharks in Dubai. Or having a conversation with the Attorney General of Afghanistan. Or teaching the Chief Justice of Ghana the Electric Slide. Or find yourself in the middle of a hilarious spy novel in Azerbaijan, with cigarettes still smoldering in the ashtray of your empty apartment.

These are the kinds of things that can happen to people who don't wait for the right time.

It may be wiser and safer to wait for some things - until the time is right, until there is enough money saved, until all your ducks are in a row, until you are sure about it.... but living balls to the wall isn't about being safe. Its about going all in - living life like each day matters the most. Because it does.

The value of being a dork.

Last night I was thinking about the quest for the extraordinary, and in the early morning hours I had a ridiculous dream that involved marrying Johnny Depp, him speaking Arabic and sex. And I woke up feeling like a total dork (and yet smiling). It was a silly dream and cute and it reminded me that, in a quest for an extraordinary life, it is important to never be afraid to express the inner dork.

No one likes someone who takes themselves too seriously, thinks too highly of themselves, or is afraid to make an ass out of themselves. We might find some of those people impressive, intimidating or even extraordinary in some way, a distancing inhuman way - but without the ability to look like a complete dork there is something missing. Fun. Being a dork is so much more fearless, more balls to the wall, than being composed, confident and cool.

As I think about how I want my son to grow up, how I hope he views me, I hope he is often and alternating-ly embarrassed and proud of me. I hope some day he loves that I do the work that I do and brags about his mom to his friends. And I hope he cringes at the things I am willing to say or do - that he begs me not to dance in public or sing in the car when his friends are around or any other demonstrations of what an awesome dork I can be. In fact, I can't wait to model being a dork for him.

So lacking from my prior reflections on what it means to be extraordinary was the importance of ridiculousness. Ridiculous behavior, a huge imagination that allows for the most insane, funny and dorky of fantasies (hello Arabic speaking husband Johnny Depp) and a propensity to let the world see you as silly.

What it means to be extraordinary.

Recently I have been thinking about what it means to be extraordinary. To be an extraordinary person or do extraordinary things or to feel with extraordinary measure.

Coincidentally, I have also been thinking about the situation in Afghanistan - or perhaps not so coincidentally since working there/living there was an extraordinary experience for me. Also perhaps not so coincidentally I have been considering what it would mean to contribute there in the wake of the recent unfortunate events, as the opportunity to assist again may be on the horizon.

Thinking about my son, and wanting him to experience a life that is nothing less extraordinary, I am reminded that I have to model what that means. Of course it follows that living balls to the wall is likely to bring you closer to the extraordinary. So how does one do extraordinary things - BE extraordinary - exactly?

It means not playing it safe, for one. Not letting fear stop you from trying to accomplish great things. Not letting embarrassment or concern for looking foolish stop you from loving completely. In fact, it may be that the answer is to have just the right amount of recklessness. Be reckless in love. Be reckless in your sense of adventure. Be reckless in who you want to be. Give so much of yourself that you never have to ask "what if." And absolutely do the very things that people tell you can not do. While I expect to eat my words as my son gets older, I know that it will make him a better person for it.

Some people are extraordinarily good at their jobs. Or good in bed. Or good people. But the challenge seems to rest in how to be simply extraordinary. In all that you do. An extraordinarily good person, good parent, good partner, good worker, good citizen of the world.

(As an aside, I read something a highly successful woman and mother wrote - which is that you can have it all, just not all at the same time. Hmmmm.....)

As I (rapidly) approach turning 40, and what very well might be a midlife existential meltdown, I am conscious of how each decision - each action or inaction - may be viewed by my older self when the time comes for mortal reflections. What will I regret not having done is the most decisive factor in assessing current conditions, and i think so far it has steered me well. I am pleased (if not yet fully satisfied, though i hope never to be) with the level of extraordinary I have experienced thus far.

Without being reckless I would not have met so many extraordinary people (you know who you are). I would not have been to extraordinary places (like Istanbul and Buenos Aires and Thailand and India, to name but a few). I would not have worked on unimaginably meaningful and rewarding projects (in places such as Afghanistan no less). I would not have had my son (an epic of its own). I would not have thousands of memories to choose from on days when I need to remind myself of who I am, what I have done, where I have been, and where I still can go. When the time is right.

So, my love of loves,

my heart of hearts,

my prince of men.

This means that when your mom does something, it is for a reason - even if it appears foolish, reckless, impossible - and that reason is to show you how to pour every ounce of yourself into life. And in doing so, I hope you will learn to live an extraordinary life that makes your heart full, your head happy and your soul satisfied with the trail you leave behind.

Synchronicity of the Head, Heart & Hooch

Now this may seem slightly off topic, but on the subject of life lessons for Luka and living balls to the wall - I think ruminations on passion, love and sex are important.

I am sure there is plenty that has been written on the subject, particularly in self-help books and couples therapy texts. But to state it bluntly, the best relationships (at least in so far as I guess, in my limited and not-so-hot record of relationships) seem to exist when there is synchronicity between the mind, heart and body...or as I call it - Head, Heart & Hooch.

So often we have an imbalance in one of the three areas, and when prolonged that can wreak havoc on a relationship. Too much of one area and not enough of another is never a good thing, as a relationship built solely around the hooch leaves the heart empty, while a relationship with all heart and no hooch is - lets just say its another brand of unfulfilling. An even more dangerous consequence of the Head, Heart, & Hooch imbalance is the appeal of getting one of the triad satisfied by someone outside the relationship. Whether it be in the form of "emotional cheating" by getting heart satisfaction from someone other than your partner, or physical cheating by hooch satisfaction, any way you look at it, it spells doom and gloom for most couples.

Some people live a little too focused in their own head, which is hard to get out of. Some people live exclusively through the hooch (for MEN I mean this figuratively - replace it with Heart and Head squared). When we do this, and our partner is not focusing on the same element at the same time, we risk massive disconnect. One partner thinks sex will solve a problem that the other partner thinks only heady discussion will solve. Its an age-old impasse.

The most desired combination therefore seems to exist when the head is in a good place with each partner seeing the other as a critical and positive addition to their lives, and the heart is warmed by the very presence of the other, and the hooch is happy and satiated right there at home. That is the magic of synchronicity of the head, heart & hooch.

love in a nutshell.

Smothering Under the Blanket of Melancholy

One of the consequences of living balls to wall, which I had forgotten until it snuck up on me recently, was the overwhelming crushing sensation when you crash to the ground after soaring so high.

There are such huge gains to dreaming big, to enlisting an overactive imagination to see what could be and where it could go. And there is so far to fall when, for all your efforts and powerful imagery, for some reason the stars don't align and it doesn't materialize. It is heartbreaking. It is a brand of heartbreak that plagues those who take risks, who reach for heights that are laughable and seemingly impossible - the irrational acts of a courageous and silly few.

But simmering in this nostalgic stew of melancholy, I am thankful. Thankful that I would rather see huge amazing potential, and suffer the pains of disappointment, than see a world through narrower and limiting eyes. And sometimes, just sometimes, the heights imagined, the dreams visualized and the fantasies of a madwoman magically are actualized, realized. And those moments, though rare and fleeting, keep the dreams going in this alternate reality of that which is impossible. Most of the time.